Written by electricwitch for Joanne for the 2011 xmas_rocks exchange
| This story is a work of fiction and therefore completely untrue. No harm or libel is meant or implied about any of the individuals named within this work and it was written without their involvement or permission. No profit is being made. |
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Lou felt surprisingly calm and relieved as he walked back to his hotel. Fuck David, and all his cronies, fuck his preaching, and fuck his hypocrisy. He probably thought he was going to get away with it, that Lou was going to take all the shit that sanctimonious asshole was gonna throw at him with the same kind of infuriating smug calm David would show himself. He almost laughed vindictively at the memory of David's sour face as he had come at him the second time. Yeah, he hadn't seen that one coming, alright. It was too bad David was such a mean motherfucker. They hadn't spent a lot of time together lately so he'd managed to forget that. In his mind he always had the image of him as he had been when they'd first met: a mixture of pliant and impudent, soft and delicate-featured, long gold hair and pretty limbs, but with that same cold look in his eyes and the strange twist to his mouth. He had been naive and awed, but with the beginnings of ruthlessness hidden under the surface, soft pale skin good for pressing bruises into, to leave teeth marks on. Yet at the same time strong enough to push him down and take him if he wanted. Lou recalled, after these thoughts faded from his mind, that he'd hated him for a while after recording Transformer. The specifics of that had been wiped from his brain though. Mainly he remembered throwing things and of all his frustration ending up in shoves against David's body which was always tense and wiry like a whipcord, prepared for all that aggression and measuring how far to take it. And the memory of his neck and mouth, both drawn tight and hard against his tongue, his hands keeping him at a distance for the moment before he pushed him away or relented. Or when David had held him by the upper arms and hold him still, very barely containing him as he struggled and shuddered and shouted in his face. Or when everyone had cleared out cause they'd been scared when David had backed Lou up against a wall, and their bodies had touched in a way that was different to him somehow. He'd tried to move under him enough to wiggle his legs open but no dice. David was such a dick when he was angry. He vividly recalled the scrape of the wallpaper against his back and the feeling of their sharp hipbones crushed together, his anger vanishing before his desire. But nothing had happened, or if it had he had not remembered it. Sex and its release were only a small part of what was important about him and David. The moments he had loved had been the ones on the knife edge of going wrong. That was what Lou had relished and remembered, etched into his memory as he had stood there, breathing hard and thriving on the tension. But then it had all gone wrong, with David turning into a beneficiary, a distant teacherly creature of whom everyone said it was so great that Lou was working with him. Like he was doing him a favour. He'd hated that calm and kindly bullshit and it had been hard, or, well, impossible for him to adjust to the change. He knew, of course, that David was nothing if not false. The change and the subsequent rebalancing of power were part of why he sometimes liked him so much, but there were roles he played that Lou just didn't want anything to do with. Well, that was all gone now. It wasn't like David was the best lay ever, anyway, though he did give really good head. And yeah, he was kind of interesting, and sometimes Lou felt that in some ways they were really similar, but the more he thought about it, the more he figured David was just the kind of guy who really benefited from a punch in the face. Maybe it would improve him. It had improved his mood, definitely. If only he'd managed to get some blood out of him. Yeah, that woulda really cheered him up. He laughed to himself, his teeth glinting savage and white, like a crocodile's, in the dim light. He should have punched him a long time ago. It had felt good, it had felt exhilarating. Had he not been too busy being really pissed off, he might have been turned on by it. It had been a long time since he'd hurt David in any real way, and he felt like it had tipped the scales back in his favour after a long, long time. David had been real interesting whenever he'd seen him the past few years, all flash and smarm, which Lou liked. He liked his pimps, his dealers, his mob bosses. All of those guys though, they all understood that they shouldn't fuck with Lou. None of them ever pushed him, because they knew he'd take them down fast. He didn't take attitude from anyone, so he wouldn't take it from David. And David had been a fucking pain in the ass, talking like he was a motherfucking record company big shot, with a suit and an attitude, lecturing him while he was snorting horse behind his desk. Fuck. That. Nobody did that to him. Nobody. He entered his hotel room, and it was dark and lonely and full of city noise. He thought about how he could have had David here now, acting charming and smiling. But then he decided that he'd take the noise and the darkness and the heroin in his pocket over him any day, and if that wasn't enough there were plenty of people lining up to bone him. Maybe one of them would be blond and delicate looking and they'd probably do a better job at being David than David ever did. He woke up from the haze of drug induced stupor just enough to notice someone shouting at him, very distantly. He recognised the voice but it did not get through to him properly, so he said into the darkness: "Hey, back off, what's your problem. I'm just sleeping." He turned around and dozed for a while longer. But it didn't stop, so he got more awake, and more annoyed. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" he shouted at the door. There was a stunned pauze, and some giggling. Then a clang. "Come out here and fight like a man!" the voice outside his door said. Lou frowned. He wasn't with it enough to recognise the voice, but Jesus, what a fucking stupid thing to say. He made his way to the door, quietly and stealthily and balled his fist. That fucker was gonna get what he deserved, he didn't give a shit whether it was Moses himself. There was some whispering going on outside, he could hear it. He pulled the door open. "Which of you fuckers wants a piece of me?" he shouted. As he did it, a huge grin formed on his face. Because standing in the corridor, looking limp and about as strong as a wrung out towel, was David Bowie. Two henchmen (henchboys?) stood behind him but they took one look at Lou and scurried. It was kind of like a bad mobster movie. "Haven't had enough yet?" Lou added, trying to sneer but the effect was of making him lopsided and insane looking. He waved his fist in David's direction and chortled as he saw the slightest flicker of fear in his eyes. Nothing happened for a very short moment, and Lou was ready to put on the charm and maybe get to talking David into coming in, because it had been kind of lonely in bed on his own, when, all out of nothing, David stormed him, ramming into him like he was breaking down a door and the both of them toppled into the room. They lost their balance and sprawling on the floor like a couple of clowns. Lou started to laugh and laugh. What a loser. "You're a crazy bitch, you know that right?" he said, getting up to close the door. It had just clicked shut and he was still getting over his laughter when he felt David's hand on his shoulder. He turned around to face him. David was standing very still, completely breathless from the exertion, his good pupil a really strange size and both his eyes open wide. "Come on... and fight me..." he wheezed. Without a second thought, Lou grabbed him by the shirt collar and threw him on the ground. He didn't really know what the point of this was, but he was buzzed now and beating up David seemed like as good a use of his time as any. He jumped on top of him, and held him down okay, but then David kneed him in the stomach and it HURT like a motherfucker. He fell down, coughing, and David crawled on top of him, his arm on his neck. Lou was about to complain and throw him off, but, truth be told, he kind of enjoyed David being on top of him after so long. So he stayed where he was. "I surrender." he said. "No." David said. "You can't surrender. I'm fighting you." "Like hell you are." Lou said. "Couldn't wait to get on top of me could you, you big old queen." David stared at him, uncomprehending. Then his eyes darkened with rage and he smiled, hard and cold and toothy. "You wish, you cunty old bastard." "Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?" David pursed his lips for a moment, then he grabbed Lou by the hair and banged his head back against the floor. Lou gasped, the world becoming blurry before his eyes. That fucker. How dare he... But when his vision cleared, he saw David's face, very close to his, and then felt his lips, cold and soft, against his throat. The feeling was so sudden and nice he wiggled a little with pleasure, ignoring the throb in his head. He'd make him pay later. Right now he felt David's hands between his legs already, urgent and efficient as always, his mouth on his nipple, working with his tongue in a way that made him groan in anticipation. He didn't touch him back at all, but let his hands lay limp on the ground, twitching his fingers with every rush of pleasure. If he trusted him with his dick at all tonight, he would have made him give him head, but too bad. Tonight was a different kind of night, not for sissy stuff like dicksucking. He jerked his hips up against David's touch, and David glanced up at him, eyes still even crazier than normal. They were so pale that they seemed white in the dimness. There was that attractive look in his eyes and gentle half-smile that meant he was up to something. Lou tensed the muscles of his arms, tried to concentrate. David tightened his grip on his cock. Lou bit his lips. David opened his mouth to speak, but Lou struck pre-emptively and, grabbing him by the shoulders, started to throw him over. Luckily, David was rather weaker than he was and it didn't take him long to wrestle him under. He was still out of breath by the time he'd really got him, though. "Ha." was all he managed to say, as he paused to catch his breath. Victory. David said nothing, as he was also catching his breath from the struggle and surprise. They both looked rather pathetic then, slumped over on the floor, exhausted from a minor scuffle, their bodies touching and Lou's head drooping so his curly hair almost touched David's. David was sort of looking at him over his shoulder, his head turned to the side, his mouth a bloodless straight line across his face. He was doing that whole impassive ice queen thing, but he stayed still while Lou got them both ready, the muscles of his hips tensing spasmodically where his shirt had been shoved up. Always acting like he wasn't impressed even when he was enjoying himself. Sometimes that was an asset though. Like when you didn't want him to enjoy himself. With a malevolent grin, Lou smushed his face into the floor as he settled himself properly against him, grinding his fingers into his neck like a cat clawing a pillow. Sweet Jesus, it felt good to fuck him after such a long time, and to hear him suppress the familiar sounds as he tried to make it seem like he wasn't enjoying it. There was something new about it, though, and his body felt different, harder and yet less resistant. He moved around a lot, and Lou felt like he was constantly rearranging himself and trying to counter David's wriggling with force. Their hands joined, Lou's folded over David's, as he tried to still David's meandering arms, and stayed still on the cold, rough carpet, entwined together. He pressed harder into David, closer, hoping he could feel it so he wouldn't forget it. He heard him utter a weird, disjointed sound and realised he didn't even give a damn if he came at all, as long as this was something that would stay, bright and clear in their memories. But he did come, riding it out as long as it would last, trying to get all he could while it was still possible. Finally, he rolled off David, noticing how cold they both were now and how his head hurt. He shivered. He needed a hit, he thought, and gazed at the ceiling. There was silence for a long time, and nothing happened, except the changing light coming in from the gap between the curtains. Finally, he heard David get up beside him. It made him feel nothing. And he felt no inclination to stop him as he walked grandly and silently out the door, giving him his cold stare as he went, his face expressionless and grey. When Lou saw him among the crowd it gave him a shock, and for a moment he thought it couldn't be him. But of course there was no reason it couldn't be, except that he didn't want him there. He lingered in the distance, trying to remember when and how they had last met. He didn't think they had, after the fight. He thought about it constantly, as he made conversation, as he was introduced to people, a relentless white noise at the back of his thoughts. He didn't want to have anything to do with him, it would be too difficult, he thought. He couldn't admit to the tiny flicker of guilt and fear he felt, deep inside. Suppressing it, he turned away and tried to pretend David just wasn't there at all. Then suddenly there he was, large as life right beside him. And Lou had no idea how it had happened, but he didn't like it. It was so strange to see his face again, after seeing it on billboards, TV, posters, adverts, like the goddamn superstar he had become. Now that had been disturbing, if hilarious: his giant lemon yellow hair towering over his tanned face like he was the suburban, sanitised Little Richard, staring out at Lou everywhere he went. Different, yet familiar. He didn't look like that now, though. Now, he looked... normal. The line of his cheekbone was sharper through the skin, his hair shorter and modern, but something had softened him, overall. At certain angles, if Lou ignored the hair and the effects of ageing, he looked more like he had when they had first. Years seemed to fall away between them as they stood, frozen in recognition. Lou breathed out, not really sighing but letting go. He felt suddenly elated at the familiar shape of his face, the same cold uneven eyes. It was disconcerting not to be able to see the line of his body through the baggy suit (he didn't know a lot about clothes maybe but he knew he didn't like it much). He wanted to put an arm on his shoulder and yell at him to take it off, just as if he was back in the 70s and he could make jokes like that where people might hear. But he couldn't, because those times were gone. They were still here though. He blinked and saw that David was looking at him, his glance hiding excitement behind icy wariness, his arms folded over his body like he was trying to pre-emptively protect himself from something Lou might do to him. Same old scaredy cat David. Lou smiled to himself, ideas lighting up like little sparks in his mind. He lunged. "Heeyy, how are you" he shouted, wrapping David in a giant, thumping hug. A real men's hug, tight and hard and with his arms squeezing his ribcage slightly too much. He heard David wheeze into his ear. "Great, great, thanks." He didn't sound very pleased. Also, he sounded like he wanted to tell him not to hug him so tightly. Lou grabbed his hand with great force, in just the way he knew he hated. "Great to see you man." he said. "What are you up to?" He stared at David with his clever reptile's eyes, and David looked back at him with icy unconcern. But there was something stirring behind it. "You know, same old. Dinner with the president, filming commercials, starring in pictures, seeing Tina Turner for lunch." David said it like he was joking- big smile, eyes open wide- but his glance stayed flinty and his shoulders set. "Of course." Lou said. He also smiled, looking fixedly at David. "A real rockstar huh." David didn't say anything, though he frowned slightly. Suddenly, he smiled again and seemed to jerk back into motion, shifting his position slightly away from Lou and dropping his hands. "Yeah, sure." he said. There was a moment's awkward silence, which Lou noted and enjoyed, while David used it to re-assemble the weapons in his social armoury. "Hey, wanna take a walk?" Lou said. "I mean, this is kind of boring." David gave him the same distant look, assessing. Lou shoved his glasses back up his nose like a dork and shuffled his feet. David cast a vigilant glance around the room and relented. They took a walk around the building, which was mostly empty, except for the staff, all of whom were too well trained to react to the sight of them, if they recognised them at all. They looked pretty normal, two middle aged guys in a suit and a sweater, oversized coats slung over their shoulders. It was easy to talk of silly, everyday things, and kind of nice, too. It was so hard to do that kind of thing in their lifestyle sometimes. Still, as Lou tried to probe behind the glossy surface of the new David, he started to feel that for all the buddy talk, there were parts of him that were closed off forever. He talked about his personal life, he talked about his thoughts, as detachedly as he always had, but there was nothing else now. There was nothing left between them but a few strands of nostalgia, the traces of something that had been cut off and left to wither away. It should have made Lou sad, but instead he felt grateful that there was even that. With his usual greedy instinct, he knew that if there still lingered something of attachment, it could be made into something larger, something usable. He knew the vulnerable, the selfish, the needy parts of David had to still be under there somewhere, even if he'd hidden them better. He felt he could cultivate that part of him, and re-forge the link between them. At the end of an empty hallway they paused before a giant picture window. Ugly, fashionable furniture stood around it, relics of the busy every day world. Lou wondered if David liked that kind of stuff now. "Beautiful, isn't it?" David said, looking out at the view, sparkling with a thousand lights. Lou smiled inwardly at his vapidity. "Sure is." he answered. "Hey, what do you think of my glasses?" David's eyes narrowed for a moment, as he considered the question. "They make you look like a middle aged secretary." he said. Lou laughed, a barking, hoarse laugh. David smiled with satisfaction at his joke, a real smile this time. Lou looked at him almost fondly. He really didn't know why they hadn't talked for so long. David turned to look at him, too, eyes warmed by recognition for a moment. On an impulse, they both leaned in to kiss. Then they checked themselves. Lou looked into the hallway, but luckily there was no-one there. "I have to go." David said, voice empty of emotion and his eyes averted. All humanity seemed to have disappeared from him in a moment. He simply turned on his heels and swept away, the tails of his expensive coat flying behind him. Lou watched him go without regret. He'd come back, eventually.
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