Written for marchingjaybird for the 2008 xmas_rocks exchange
| This story is a work of fiction and therefore completely untrue. No harm or libel is meant or implied about any of the individuals named within this work and it was written without their involvement or permission. No profit is being made. |
Author's note: This takes place in the fall of 2005. For simplicity's sake, I've condensed Jesse's stints in rehab down into one.
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"Aw, hell no. Hey, give me my drink back." I reached a hand out for my glass and somehow missed it, grasping at thin air and nearly overbalancing. "C'mon, Jesse. You can already barely stand as it is, and I ain't gonna carry you." "Shit, you've done it before. What's once more between friends?" I giggled like a schoolgirl and wrapped my arm around Josh's waist to steady myself. "Where'd everybody go, man? There's supposed to be a party goin' on here." "There is no party." There was a flash in my mind, a picture of some people laughing, drinking. Party lights outside on a cool autumn night, all twinkly. A keg. "You sure 'bout that? Definitely seemed like there was." "Well, let me clarify. There was. Two nights ago, Jesse." He looked down at me with something like concern in his eyes, wrinkling his nose. "I'm pretty sure you haven't slept since then." Feeling disappointed and vaguely betrayed, I let go of Josh's waist and slowly lowered myself by grasping at his legs until my butt collided with the ground. "Well, hell, why didn't you tell me?" Josh crouched in front of me, exasperation mixing with the worry in his eyes. "Jesse, we have been talking for two hours. I've told you probably twenty times that the party's over and it's time to go to bed." He grunted as he put a hand down to lower himself to the ground and scooted around next to me. "My friend, I believe you may have some issues. You also don't smell that great." He fished a cigarette out from the pack in his shirt pocket, reaching around me with one arm to press his lighter to the tip. I leaned against his chest. He was wearing a button-up shirt. I sniffed him suspiciously. "Well, you smell like plaid." "You been dropping acid too?" I had to think about that one. There were a few more flashes in my mind, lots of alcohol. Shots, beer, who the hell knows what. Speed, before the booze. Possibly during and after. "I don't think so." Josh leaned back against the wall, still holding me to him, exhaling smoke. "Tomorrow we're gonna clean your ass up and get you packed, and then I am taking you to rehab." "What? No, fuck no. I don't need to go to rehab, I'll just...wait. Did someone tell you I have a problem with drugs? 'Cause I don't, man, I don't know what people have been telling you. You trust me, right? I'm sober most of the time." Josh raised an eyebrow and looked at me, cigarette between pursed lips as he inhaled, fingers poised to pull it from his mouth. "Well, some of the time." He exhaled smoke quickly through his nose, the equivalent of a snort. "Well, I was before we started recording anyway. Are we through now?" Josh said nothing, just continued to smoke. "Shit." ***
Once upon a time (thirty days later)
Big-ass black car waiting for me
He paid with cash *** I leaned into the driver's side window first to plant a big kiss on his cheek. He laughed at me, eyes twinkling. "I'm still not used to seeing you without your moustache." I just grinned at him and hoisted my duffel bag into the backseat, then walked around the other side to let myself in. I slouched down in the soft bench seat, sighing with happiness. "Thanks for coming to get me." He looked over at me with warmth in his eyes, then grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me forward so he could kiss the top of my head. "No hair grease either? I would've thought they'd give you your stuff back." I grinned and pulled my knees up to my chest, bare feet on the seat because I'd kicked my shoes off. Josh started to drive. He had invited me to stay at his house, evidently thinking it best that I not be alone so soon after getting back out into the real world. I was willing to let him take care of me for awhile. I put my cheek down against my knee. "They did. I tossed it. Figured it wouldn't hurt to keep down to bare essentials for awhile." I lit up a cigarette and looked forward through the windshield, wiggling my toes and sucking in the sweet nicotine. "I couldn't have done it without you, man. You were there for me every day, and I won't forget that." "Do you think it worked? I mean, you look healthy and all, but be honest with me. 'Cause next time I can just drive you out in the desert and let you go vision quest or something if that's what you want." I grinned and watched the road rolling towards me, my chin nestled on top of my arm across my knees, cigarette held aloft in my other hand. "There ain't gonna be a next time." Malibu to Palm Desert is a bit of a drive on the best of days, but when you're snarled in traffic it can take hours. I whiled the time away, feeling the soft leather of the seat against my feet, looking out the window at the skyscrapers creeping by. Josh and I talked on and off, but mostly sat in companionable silence, switching through CD's. I could see the reflection of the sun in my rearview mirror starting to touch down on the coast behind us. I looked over at Josh on his cell phone talking to Brody as the sun was setting. I could hear her voice on the other end, asking when Josh would be home, not appreciating his response of "When I get there." He said his goodbye to her and clicked the phone shut. "Josh?" "Yeah?" "Thank you." "You know you don't have to thank me, man. You would've done the same. Except for the carrying part, you skinny little fuck." He grinned at me and patted my knee. His hand was warm, and his long fingers wrapped down around my knee. "But, no, really. You should know what you did for me, man. You are my best fucking friend and you saved my ass. I don't even know what to say. You know I'd take a bullet for you man, I truly would." My heart felt so happy right then in my chest, like it might burst. Josh didn't reply, just pressed his lips together a little bit. I smiled to myself because I know he hates it when I gush. I just couldn't help myself. How many people are lucky enough to have a friend like that, who'll open up their heart, their home, hell, even their bank account for you? I have to remind him every once in a while how much he means to me. We'd finally pulled away from the city, and were on one of a thousand side roads leading out into the desert. I looked over at Josh, and something came over me. In that moment, with the mood just right and the setting sun casting a warm glow in the car, he seemed like the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Seriously gorgeous, like some Adonis of the desert. I noticed everything about him then, the tilt of his nose, the downturn of his thin lips, the gentle curve of his earlobe, and I couldn't find fault with any of it. The sun was shining its last rays just behind his shoulder, and it made his red hair glow like fire. I reached out a hand without even thinking about it, and put it on his thigh right up where it met his hip. The way he drives, he was slouched down a little bit, his butt a few inches away from the back of the seat. My thumb was on the side of his leg. I rubbed it back and forth, then squeezed his thigh gently. He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on the road, both hands on the wheel, 10 and 2. Not like I hadn't touched him before. I just felt more intense about it right then, and I wasn't sure if he could tell the difference. My heart was starting to beat more quickly, blood kind of starting to gradually flow southward. I couldn't remember Josh affecting me like this before, but that seemed unimportant. What mattered was in that moment, I desired him more than I could remember wanting anyone in a long, long time. I moved my hand down his thigh a bit, pressing firmly so that I could feel the muscles of his leg under my fingers. I wished the denim wasn't there to keep me from feeling his skin. I could hear his breathing change, slowing down and getting deeper. I moved my hand slowly toward the center of his thighs, watching his face the whole time. His eyes widened a bit and one eyebrow raised up, but he didn't tell me to stop. "Josh. Pull over." He looked over at me wide-eyed like he was looking at a stranger and put the blinker on. It's an old car, and the blinker clicked loudly on and off as he slowed down, pulling off to the shoulder. He put it in park and shifted in his seat a bit, turning his upper body toward me, his elbow on top of the seatback. "Are you all right?" I moved closer to him on the seat, putting my hand on his shoulder and turning so I could put my other hand on his thigh. I stroked his thigh, loving the thick, muscular warmth of it. "Yeah. I'm all right." I leaned in close to him, pressing my forehead against his. God, he smelled like outdoors and barbecues and cigarettes, and I wanted to lick him from head to toe. I tilted my mouth toward him, and skimmed his bottom lip with mine. "Josh," I whispered, then pressed my lips to his for real, and it sent the blood shooting straight to my cock. I felt warmth spreading through my entire lower body, and it was so good to feel again. I pressed my face against his, kissing him hard, flicking my tongue out a bit, just tasting him, not trying to get into his mouth. His hand was resting on my shoulder, and he was kissing me back gently, slowly. He'd closed his eyes and seemed completely at ease. I got one knee up on the seat and turned toward him, sliding my hand behind his neck to steady myself, my other hand crossing his body to grasp his hip. I kept my lips pressed to his while I brought my leg across to straddle his lap. He is a big man, and it was a cramped space. I bumped my ass into the steering wheel and cursed. He opened his eyes and smiled coyly at me, nudging my cheek with his nose. He said very softly, casting his eyes downward, "We don't have to stay right here, Jesse." Smiling blue eyes rose to meet mine again. I chuckled. The man not only had a point, he was flirting with me. I felt an urgent need to get to somewhere better, where we could spread out a little and I could spend some quality time getting those clothes off of him. I placed my hands on either side of his face and kissed him once more, then slid off his lap to move back over to my side, reaching for the door. The locks clicked shut, and when I glanced back at Josh, he was shifting the vehicle into drive. "Oh, you mean somewhere else entirely? I thought you meant the backseat." Josh sighed, chewing briefly on the side of his thumb as he eased the car back on to the road. "I mean home, buddy. You just got out of rehab and your head's not straight yet, we can't be doing this. Just relax for a little while, we'll be there soon." "Oh." My heart dropped, and I sat down slowly, facing forward with my hands held together in my lap. What could I say? As far as I was concerned, he was the man in charge. "Okay," I said, feeling somewhat hurt and confused. My heart rate slowed gradually, and my blood flow took some time to resume its normal course. I didn't say anything else, and I couldn't look at him for the rest of the ride out to his house. I wasn't embarrassed. I don't see how anyone, man or woman, could feel embarrassed for wanting a piece of Joshua Homme. But I did feel a little ashamed for pushing myself on my friend, when he'd already done so much for me. *** I was sitting on the edge of the bed in Josh's guest room in my underwear, smoking one last cigarette. The window was open, and the still desert night felt so much better to me than the ocean breeze had. Josh poked his head into the room. "You good? Did Brody get you everything you need?" "Yeah, man. Hey, come in here a sec." Josh walked in slowly. He was still fully clothed, even had his shoes on. I hadn't seen him since we'd gotten to the house and he'd brought my bag to the guest bedroom. Brody had fussed over me a little bit, then let me be, making sure I knew I could stay as long as I wanted. He tucked his fingers into his pockets. "Listen, I didn't tell you, but it was pretty fucking bad. I was seeing things that weren't there. I was pissing blood, Josh." He looked down at the carpet, a crease in his forehead. "Well, Mom always said I had good timing." The corners of his mouth twitched when he looked back up at me. I laughed, and so did he. "Truer words were never spoken." I paused, taking a last drag off my cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray on my bedside table. I put my elbows on my knees, linked my hands together and looked up at him. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier. You just looked like a fucking god to me when you came and picked me up. I couldn't help myself." Josh stood very still for a few seconds, fingering the guitar pick hanging around his neck, then took a couple steps toward me and crouched down, balancing on his toes. He put his hand on my knee and looked up at me, speaking softly. "Jesse. You're my best friend, man. You don't need to thank me, and you sure as hell don't need to apologize. The only thing you need to do right now is get some rest and get better." He gently ruffled my hair and pressed his hands against his knees to stand up. I suddenly felt very, very sleepy. "Good night, Josh." "Sleep tight, Boots."
***
That very first night in Josh's house, I slept like a baby. Nine hours straight.
***
Warm, soft tongue licking, my god,
***
I threw on the same clothes I'd worn the day before and wandered out to see if anyone'd brewed coffee yet. They're picky bastards in rehab, but they let me keep my nicotine and caffeine. I don't think they wanted to watch me slit my wrists. Josh was at the kitchen table, scribbling something in a notebook. He looked up when I came in, acknowledged me with a lift of the chin, and stuck the pen in his mouth, chewing on it thoughtfully while he drummed the fingers of his other hand on the table and stared at what he'd written. I knew better than to interrupt the man, so I poured myself a cup of coffee and headed out to the porch for a smoke. Brody was sitting out there, wrapped in a blanket and talking on her cell phone to someone, sounded like a girlfriend. She covered the mouthpiece and said, "You doing all right, Jess?" She smiled. "I see you found the coffee." "Yeah, it's pretty hard to keep me off a good pot of coffee," I grinned. She nodded and went back to her conversation. I leaned against the railing, smoking and staring out into the desert. I revisited the good parts of my dream from the night before in my mind, pondering the fact that I was standing next to the man's fiancée while I was thinking lustful thoughts about him. Probably that places me in some special ring of hell, I don't know. *** Josh and I gave each other some space that first day. He wrote most of the morning, then was off to run errands. I had books to read, mainly stuff he'd brought me while I was in rehab. I read voraciously, not just in rehab but all the time, and he had made sure to bring me a book or two every few days to keep my supply up. So I read, and when Josh got back to the house he started tinkering with his drum kit, adjusting this and that and taking it for a test-crash now and then. Brody wandered around, packing things to head out on a girls' trip to Australia in the morning. We had dinner that night like an odd sort of family, Mom and Dad and dysfunctional son. Troy stopped over to bring Josh some paperwork while we were cleaning up the plates, and he ended up staying until the wee hours of the morning. He played a few riffs he'd been thinking about for us out on the porch, then he and Josh and Brody had an impromptu jam on some rockabilly-sounding stuff that somehow devolved into strangely bluesy punk rock. I was content to kick back and watch and listen, singing a bit now and then when they wanted me to, but mostly enjoying my freedom, the night air, and being surrounded again by friends and music. ***
Lips and a tongue on my nipple
Sweet voice, perfect whispers,
***
***
I lay on my back breathing for a while, trying to remember some of the relaxation exercises they'd taught me in rehab. Breathe in - hold - release. I am one with the universe, the universe is in me. Breathe in - hold - release. Heavy footsteps sounded in the hall, and then Josh knocked on my door. "Jesse? You up?" I looked at the door, but didn't answer. "Come on, I need a hand." He opened the door and walked in, then clamped a hand over his eyes. "Aw, Jesse, you should warn a guy." Oops. "Sorry about that." I sleep naked and had kicked the sheet off in the middle of the night. The little man was still at half-mast from morning wood when Josh walked in, no doubt adding to his trauma. I reached over the edge of the bed for the sheet, pulling it to cover the essentials and chuckling. "You're the one who just walked on in, you get what you deserve. You can uncover your eyes now, sweetpea." He slowly removed his hand, looking slightly sheepish. "That image will haunt my dreams forever now, Mr. Wood. Listen, I have to load up some equipment in the trailer, there's a guy coming by with a truck to drive it out to Rancho in about an hour. Can you help?" "Yeah, of course. Just give me a few to get decent." Josh left, pulling the door closed, and I got up, shuffled through my duffel bag and got dressed, pulling my boots on. I clomped down the hall to find Josh at the front door already, a box of guitar pedals in his arms. "This is all going out for Desert Sessions. Those amps and stuff over there are what I need help with," he said, gesturing with his chin at an impressive pile of electronics in the corner as he walked out the door. I went over to inspect the goodies, which wasn't just amps, but cabinets, boxes of random percussion instruments, and a small upright organ. He walked back in, dusting his hands off. "Here, let's take this first, it's newer and not real delicate." He hoisted up one end of a Marshall cabinet and I grabbed the other and we manhandled it out the door and into the trailer, one of those completely enclosed pull-behinds. We made ten or so trips back and forth, then spent a while tying everything down so it wouldn't bounce or knock together. The work was good because it got my mind off my adolescent-level horniness for a while. The guy showed up with his pickup and we got the trailer hitched. He hopped out and played with some wires so the turn signals and brake lights would all work, then got back in the cab. Josh leaned against the door, his elbows in the window, giving him very specific instructions about what to do with everything, then ran inside to get some paper so he could write down a cell number for the guy to call if anything went wrong. As he came back out, I was heading in. "I'm gonna hop in the shower, Josh," I told him as he passed, and he nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna do the same as soon as I get this all settled." He continued back out to the truck. I got inside and made a detour to the kitchen to grab some coffee. I was just about dripping sweat, but I have my priorities. The coffee had been cooking on the warmer for hours because Josh and Brody were up so early. The front door clicked open and shut, and Josh walked in, heading toward the master bedroom. "Why don't you make a fresh pot, Jesse? That must be nasty by now." He really was dripping sweat, and his t-shirt was clinging to his long torso. So much for my distraction. I leaned against the counter, sipping at my mug and trying not to stare. "Well, it's warm and caffeinated, and that's what counts." Josh looked bemused. He said, "Whatever works, man," and continued on his way. I watched him go, then heard his bedroom door close. I stood there pondering my showering options, and a grin spread over my face. *** He's going to kill me, he's going to kill me, he's going to kill me... I tried to shut that particular mantra out of my mind as I turned to follow Josh down the hallway, walking as quietly as possible. His bedroom door was closed, and I could hear him moving around inside. Not time yet, then. My stomach clenched with excitement and a little thrill of fear. I walked on past his door and down the way to the living room and paced back and forth until I heard his shower turn on. I froze, listening, and heard the shower curtain slide open, then closed again. Water splashed for a few seconds, and Josh started singing. Loudly. Perfect.
I've got the blues, I chuckled to myself as I opened Josh's bedroom door. He would never hear me with all that racket. I shucked my t-shirt, tossing it on the floor, and sat down to pull off my boots. I had my belt undone and my pants halfway down my hips when Josh stopped singing and the shower turned off. I froze. "Jesse? Is that you?" Josh called from inside the bathroom. Oh, god. "Yeah, it's me," I called back. "What are you doing?" "Just looking for a towel." How the hell he heard me, I will never know. The man's been in rock bands since he was thirteen, he should be nearly deaf. "We didn't put one in the guest bath? They're in the hall closet, it's right outside your room." "All right, thanks." I gathered up my stuff as quietly as possible and went back out into the hallway, face on fire. I heard the water start up again, and Josh started singing To All the Girls I've Loved Before. Probably for the best, really.
***
"They'll find it, man, don't worry. You have all the serial numbers and the cops know about it. Maybe he just broke down or got lost." He shook his head. "No, I had a bad feeling about it from the get-go. I'm so glad we didn't load any guitars up. Shit, I can't believe it. That's ten grand in equipment, down the fucking drain. Half of it I picked up in pawn shops, I can't even replace it." He sighed and pushed his plate aside, burger almost untouched, pressing his palms to his eyes. Josh had called out to Rancho de la Luna right after we ordered, because the equipment should have arrived within an hour or two of leaving the house and he hadn't heard anything yet. He'd been fretting all day, but had held off calling, figuring that he would hear from the studio once everything was unloaded and things calmed down for the day. When he finally decided to call, the guy with the truck hadn't showed up yet. I thought he was going to have a kitten. As soon as he hung up with Rancho, he'd called the police. He pushed away from the table suddenly. "Fuck this. I can't just sit here and wait. Let's get on the road, Jesse," he said. "I'll find that fucker myself, and he'll be one sorry piece of shit when I do." He crumpled his napkin and was standing up, brushing his pants off, when his cell phone rang. "Tony? He's there? What the hell took him so long? I was just about out of my mind, that guy has no idea how close he came to dying. Next time I'm driving shit out myself, I can't take this. Listen, I don't care how long you've known him. Why the fuck didn't he call me?" Josh stepped outside to continue ranting and light up a smoke. I could see him gesturing with his cigarette in one hand through the diner window. I paid up and followed him outside, leaving most of my dinner behind and a decent tip to make up for Josh's outburst. Josh was still on the phone, making the poor guy on the other end go through a verbal inventory of each piece of equipment as it came out of the trailer. I lit up a cigarette myself, then reached out with one hand, gesturing for Josh to give me his keys. From what I could gather as I drove, the guy had evidently blown a tire out in the middle of the desert and had to walk like ten miles to get help because he wasn't carrying a spare. "No, that's fine, Tony, it's better for both of us if I don't talk to him. It'll also be better for him if I never see his ugly face again. Okay. Yeah, thanks man, I'll talk to you soon." Josh closed his phone and slumped down in the seat, leaning his head back against the headrest. "Jesus," he muttered, his forehead all creased together while he stared moodily out the window. "What kind of idiot doesn't carry a spare tire?" He sighed, lighting up another cigarette. "Just how long was my equipment cooking out in the fucking sun, when he could have just called me? What a pussy." We bitched the rest of the way home about where to banish idiots who were obviously just a waste of good oxygen. When we pulled up to the house, I hit the button for the garage door, then pulled in and parked. Just as I was reaching for the door to get out, Josh looked over at me. "Jesse?" "Yeah?" "Man, I need like twenty beers right now to get that asshole out of my head. Do you mind?" "'Course not. I'm clean of the speed for a while, and I should probably watch the alcohol, but it'd take more than thirty days in rehab to make me a teetotaler." I winked at him. "Are you stocked up here, or do you need me to go to the store?" He blinked. "You realize that's a silly question, right?"
***
"Man, not just the beer, but the hard liquor too? You're gonna put me right back where you picked me up." Josh grinned around his cigarette, hands busy with the lime. "A couple shots won't hurt you, just move things along a little quicker. I promise I'll keep an eye on you." I kissed his cheek. "You always keep an eye on me." A man of his word, Josh only let me have two shots of tequila before we moved on to the Coronas. I was already starting to feel a pleasant buzz. "Hey, this being off the sauce for a little while is good, I think I've turned into a cheap date." Josh was leaning against the counter, one hand planted on it and a Corona in the other. "You're buzzed up already, aren't you? You're getting ahead of me, I think I may have to move back to the tequila." "Feel free, man," I gestured toward the Patron with my beer bottle. "I'm doing fine with this right here." He poured himself a juice glass of the stuff, and we went out to the living room to play some guitar. It'd been a while since I'd had my hands on a guitar, and it felt good. "Hey, how come you brought me so many books in rehab, but no guitar?" Josh looked up from his strumming. "They wouldn't let me. Suicide watch, I guess. Evidently you can off yourself with a guitar string, though I think you'd have to be pretty fucking determined." I shook my head. "They were blowing smoke up your ass, I was never suicidal. They probably just didn't want to hear it at 3 AM." "Rehab bastards. Oh, well. It's all done with now, and you're here again." I smiled at him, and he grinned back, raising his glass of tequila in a salute before he downed a good mouthful. "I was still thinking about the music in rehab, though. Here, this is a new thing I've been kind of working on. I haven't actually tried playing it before, I was just running it through my head." I started playing a fast rhythm, and sang:
I've been thinking about my doorbell Josh laughed. "Well, that's original, Boots. I think you may sell a million records with that hook right there." I grinned. "No, seriously, though, I was thinking of this. It doesn't have any lyrics yet." I started playing through a melody I would think about when I was laying in my bed at night, not sleeping. It was a little darker and slower-tempo than something I would play with the Eagles. I got all the way through it once and said, "Well, that's kind of what it sounded like in my head, but I need to smooth it out a bit. Maybe I'll record it and see what notes should go, maybe work on some turnarounds." "That was really good, though, I liked it. Almost more like a Queens thing. You could play it a little more like this and make an Eagles song out of it." He started bobbing his head and playing the same melody back to me, faster and with slightly different phrasing, and damn, it did sound like something for the Eagles of Death Metal. "Hey, yeah! And then if you went.." I played a little variation back to him, and he nodded. "Yeah, that's it. Here, let's keep it in E for a minute.." and he started thumping out a simple rhythm guitar part while I played the melody over it. We went back and forth like that for hours, and actually got close to something like a finished song, minus the lyrics. Josh had finished his tequila off and moved back to beer, and I had downed a few Coronas myself. The ashtrays were starting to get full, and the world was getting a bit hazy. We ended up wandering out to the patio, leaning against the railing and smoking while we looked at the stars. Josh put an arm around my shoulders. "I'm so glad you came back here with me for a while, man, I would have been worried about you otherwise." I was silent, not really trusting my voice. Josh gets to me like that. He almost never speaks about our friendship or what I mean to him, but then every once in a while something will come out and it affects me more than it would if he talked about it all the time. He's all about action, not words. Like building me a rock band to drag me out of depression. Like paying fifty grand to put me in rehab, like driving hours to see me every day. I put my arm around his waist, pulling him closer to me and leaning my head against his shoulder. I had a terrible urge to kiss him again. I turned around, leaning back against the railing so I could face him. "Come here," I said, reaching over to the opposite side of his waist so I could tug at his hip. He stepped in front of me, leaning over so that his hands were on either side of me holding the rail. I reached up and cupped his jaw, stroking at his stubble with my thumb. He looked down at me, his hair hanging limply in front of his forehead, his mouth slightly open. "Josh," I started, and was cut off because he had leaned over to press his lips against mine, kissing me gently at first, then pressing down harder as he forced his tongue into my mouth. His hands never left the railing. I dropped my cigarette, grinding it out under the heel of my boot, and grabbed him by the hips with both hands. He let me pull his body toward mine, and I wrapped one arm behind his back. It felt so natural, as if we'd somehow been doing this for years. Our bodies fit together as neatly as puzzle pieces, my shoulder fitting right under his arm as he bent over me. He was radiating heat from all the alcohol, and I could feel it coming off his body even where I wasn't touching him. I went hard almost instantly. I reached down to where his shirt was tucked into the back of his jeans, and started tugging it out so I could reach his skin. I'd been dreaming about running my hands over his bare skin for days. He stiffened, and one of his hands suddenly came off the railing and clamped against mine, stopping me from untucking his shirt. He stood straight up and stepped back a pace, breaking off the kiss, forcing me to let go of him. "I better go to bed, Jesse." He stood in front of me, breathing unevenly. My cock was straining against my sweatpants. I'm sure he could see exactly what he'd done to me. I nodded because I was too stunned to speak, and he turned to walk back into the house, pulling the door shut behind him and leaving me leaning against the railing trying to collect myself.
***
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Josh kept playing, unperturbed. "True enough, but there's a reason I don't fuck my friends." He turned his head to the side, looking at me over his shoulder, and plucked through the same tune again. He was wearing a plain black T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, revealing his pale skin. "Does that sound tinny to you? I think I need new strings." I pressed on, ignoring the change of subject. "And what reason would that be?" Josh played through the tune once more without reply. Then he set the guitar aside as he stood and stepped around the couch to face me. His arms were folded across his chest, his fingers tucked into his armpits. "What do you want from me, Jesse? Some quick fuck?" He kept a light tone, but the expression on his face wavered somewhere between confusion and anger. I took a drag from the cigarette and exhaled, looking him straight in the face and taking my time answering. I was feeling my oats, we had the house to ourselves, and damn, he looked good in that shirt. "I didn't say quick." He blinked slowly a few times, like he couldn't believe what I said. "So you've seen me backstage." He pulled a cigarette from the pack in his shirt pocket, turning his head to light it. Then he stepped away from me, leaning his hips into the back of the couch and crossing his legs at the ankle. He took a long drag and let it out slowly. "What you've seen, that's what you think you want?" I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what he was getting at. I'd seen him hold other men pressed against the wall after a concert, fist clenched in their hair or shirt. Big guys, small guys, feminine, burly, didn't seem to matter. I'd seen the look in their eyes, half-fear and half-lust, when they'd catch me watching. Josh was too absorbed at those times, intent on his prey, so I'd never seen his face to even have a chance to gauge what he might be thinking. "Well, I must say I've never seen the exact endgame details, but yeah, I think that's probably exactly what I want. What is it you do with them when I'm not looking?" One side of his lip lifted in a sarcastic sneer, and he gestured with his lit cigarette while he talked. "Just like you said, Jesse, I like to fuck them. Male groupies, female groupies, it doesn't matter that much to me. Sometimes it's better with the men. They let me do exactly what I want. Then I toss them aside, because they don't mean anything to me. I don't know those guys, they're just a warm fucking hole to me. I use them. Hell, they're using me, so why not?" He stood up straight again, taking a last drag off his cigarette. "That's all they get, and it's all I'm willing to give. I'm practically a married man." He winked and grinned wolfishly, then turned his head to stub his cigarette out saying, "Jesse, I don't do that to friends. Get it out of your head." I grinned right back at him, because something in his verbal posturing didn't quite ring true. He's a good talker, but there had been a slight hesitation in his voice there towards the end, as if he didn't believe the words himself. Cigarette out, he turned to face me, arms re-folded. "For one, I don't believe you really treat people that way, tough guy. For two, you can't tell me you haven't thought about it. You weren't exactly pushing me away that night in the car, not to mention last night out on the porch. Besides, my moustache is starting to grow back. It nearly defies belief, but I'm even more attractive now than when you first picked me up." He smiled enigmatically and turned away. He sat back down on the couch, tuned the guitar up, and went back to playing. You'd just be back for more, he sang softly. I chuckled at that and pushed away from the wall. "I don't think it's me you're worried about."
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In the night he came for me *** I thought it was another dream, but I came to my senses and honest to god, Josh was in my bed, lying on his side and facing me. The sheet was barely over his hip, and I could tell he was only wearing boxers. "Joshua?" was the most intelligent thing I could think to say. The moon was nearly full, and the light shining through the window illuminated him from behind. "You expecting someone else?" He wore a completely deadpan expression. I hadn't stopped sleeping naked. I'm pretty sure he could tell that my body was, if not exactly expecting him, at least happy to see him. "I, well, I. Hold on a second, now. I thought this was off-limits..." and then my train of thought, such as it was, derailed because one large hand had found me under the sheets. A small grin stole over his face. "Well, well, Mr. Hughes. What have we here?" Some sound escaped from the back of my throat, I don't know if it was surprise or lust. I pushed my hips against his hand. "Sweet Jesus, Josh," I whispered. "I thought you were a dream." He made a humming sound, and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he pressed his forehead to mine. "You've been dreaming about me?" I laughed softly. "Yeah. I've been afraid I'd mess up the sheets one of these days." He grinned. His hand started to move, gently stroking me. "Well, that is hot. With lines like that, it's a wonder you didn't seduce me sooner." I smiled and leaned closer, kissing him kind of shyly. I was still having a hard time believing he was really there, but with his hand on my cock, I was willing to suspend my disbelief. "Josh?" He kissed me. "Yeah?" "I'm your friend, right?" His hand left my cock and came around to stroke the back of my head. Josh's expression was unreadable in the moonlight. "Of course," he said. "Only...I mean, I'm obviously happy you're here, but..." "You're wondering if I'm just here to use you." I nodded silently, grateful he had voiced the words for me. "Well," he said, his hand wandering down to my ass, long fingers grasping my hip and dragging me closer to him, "that depends on what you mean by 'use,' I guess. I sure as hell came here to fuck you," he said, then paused to let his tongue trace a path around my lips, while those fingers stroked up my side, palm pressing against my ribs as his thumb reached around to tweak my nipple. I could feel the outline of his cock, straining against his boxer shorts to press against mine. I let out a soft moan. "And I hope you've been out of rehab long enough that this isn't me taking unfair advantage, though I'm pretty sure your therapist would be a little unhappy with me right now. "But I'm not here," he wrapped his fingers around my cock again, looking down at it and stroking it from the base to the tip, "to use you up and set you aside." He paused, seeming to choose his next words carefully. "I know you have a rather sunny view of my personality, but believe it or not, I do treat people that way. It's the only way I know how to deal with that particular...situation." He stroked me again, and caressed his thumb gently over the tip of my cock, which was already starting to leak moisture. "But you I don't treat that way, Jesse." His eyes rose to meet mine. "I never have, and this," he gently squeezed my cock for emphasis, "isn't going to change that." He brought his hand up to cradle my head and kissed me, working his tongue around the inside of my mouth. Then his tongue withdrew and his cheek was resting against mine as he whispered in my ear, his warm breath raising goosebumps on my back. "That work for you?" Oh sweet mother, did that work for me, but his obvious desire was overwhelming my mind and I couldn't speak. All I could do was reach out with my tongue and drag his earlobe into my mouth, sucking on it in lieu of a verbal response. He inhaled sharply and dropped his hand to my ass, holding me steady as he ground his hips against mine. It felt electric, our cocks slipping next to each other with just a thin piece of fabric in between, the sensation shooting up my spine and making my balls feel tight. But I had to voice one more thing on my mind, before I lost my mind entirely. "Brody?" He licked about an inch along my jawline and chuckled. "You think I'd tell her? She'd just want to watch, you hot little thing." I grinned, the side of my face still pressed to his. "Well, now you're making me blush." Josh shifted his weight, rolling me onto my back, his shoulder on top of me as his hand caressed the back of my neck, fingers tugging gently at my hair. He sucked my bottom lip in between his teeth, licking and releasing it. "Oh, I plan on making you do a lot more than that, Jesse." Long fingers wrapped around my cock again, and sweat and pre-cum lubed Josh's hand as he stroked all along the length of it, thumb teasing the tip. I could already feel an orgasm building, and I didn't want to embarrass myself coming all over Josh's hand, but he seemed to have a different idea. With each stroke bringing me closer and closer to the edge, I whined in the back of my throat. Josh licked my lips and whispered, "That's it, that's just what I want, Jesse." He curled his fingers under my balls, squeezing and caressing, two fingers pressing on my perineum, then returning to stroke me, faster and faster. "I want to watch you. Just relax, I've got you. Mmm, relax, I want to see you come." And I couldn't hold back. I came with a cry, shuddering against his hand. He growled low in his throat and sunk his teeth into my cheek gently, worrying it back and forth between his lips as he stroked out every last drop, holding me through the aftershocks and longer, until my cock became flaccid in his hand. I was breathless and felt a little deflated. I didn't want things to end so quickly with Josh. He wiped his palm against my belly, and reached down to his boxers, hooking his thumb in the waistband and lifting his hips to draw them off, bending at the waist to slide them down his long legs. His naked cock lay pulsing against my leg as he used his boxers to wipe me clean. I lay quietly and watched him do it, then he looked up at me and chuckled at the look on my face. "Don't look so disappointed, I'm nowhere close to done with you." He tossed the underwear off the side of the bed and pulled himself up to lay on top of me, supporting his weight on his elbows while he kissed me softly. "Surely you're not through with just one." I grunted with effort as I rolled him off me onto his back, climbing on top. "No, but I was definitely hoping for more than a hand job, killer." He grinned and laced his fingers behind his head. "Well, you have me completely helpless now. Whatever will you do?" He fluttered his eyelashes at me. I felt his cock heavy and throbbing beneath me. I drew his lower lip into my mouth, sucking and licking it until he moaned. "You do seem to have a problem," I mused, grinding my hips against his cock. "It seems as though you may have even had this problem for a while, really." He grunted, and brought his hands up to my shoulders, pushing me down. "I thought you were helpless." "I didn't realize you were such a tease." I grinned and settled myself onto my knees between his legs. "A tease?" I cocked an eyebrow at him. I leaned over and very, very slowly licked his cock from the base to the tip. He gasped and wrapped his fingers in my hair, trying to force my mouth down around his throbbing prick. I reached up to my head and pulled his hand away. "See, that's not how this works. No touchy." I leaned up toward him, pressing his hand back into the mattress by his head, licking up the muscle on the side of his neck to the base of his ear. I nestled back between his legs and bent down, licking even more slowly, inch by painstaking inch, up to the tip of his cock, before running my tongue around the tip, teasing out a glistening strand of pre-cum. He groaned, grasping at the sheets and lifting his head to watch me. I met his eyes and grinned, licking him over and over and over again. He threw his head back against the pillow, gasping, and I chuckled as I slowly drew him into my mouth. "Oh god, oh Jesus..." he gasped, thrusting his hips upward to meet my mouth. I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock to keep it from gagging me, closed my eyes and sucked hard, pulling my cheeks in. "Jesse!" His hand was back in my hair, but pulling me up, not down. I let him draw my head up off his cock and looked at him questioningly. He was up on one elbow, looking down at me with wide eyes. "Jesse, wait, you're gonna make me.." I reached down with my tongue, licking the tip of his cock, and he growled, pulling my head away. His hand fisted in the back of my hair brought tears to my eyes as he pulled me to one side, away from his hips. "Ow, Josh, what are you doing?" He let go of my hair and sat up, drawing me to him with his legs wrapped around me. His tongue was in my mouth, his hands in my hair, on my back, my chest. "Sorry..." he managed to get out with our mouths pressed together. I wrapped my arms behind his shoulders, one hand on the back of his head, one hand on his ass as I drank it all in, his tongue licking the inside of my mouth and my fingers running though his hair. I could feel myself getting hard again pressed and grinding against him. "Josh..." "Mmm, sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't want..." He reached over the side of the bed, dragging me with him, keeping me pressed to him, as he fumbled around with one hand on the floor. "There," he said, returning to a sitting position. I felt the foil packet of the condom in his hand, pressed against my back. "Oh," I whispered, grinning. "Josh." I felt a pressure in the lower part of my belly, lust and anticipation that had been a slow burn suddenly pitching in intensity. I squeezed him to me tightly. "Jesus Christ, just do it now." He pulled his face away from me, his eyes astonishingly blue as he looked at me. Time seemed to slow as he watched me, then closed his eyes to kiss me as he lowered me to the bed. He reached for my hand, squeezing it as he chuckled nervously. "God, I feel like you're a virgin or something, this is kind of weird." I squeezed his hand in return, and pulled it up to my mouth, kissing the backs of his fingers, my lips ghosting over the tattoos there. "Well, I kind of am, actually." My heart was beating hard. "I trust you." Josh froze, literally stopped all movement for several seconds. I didn't break off eye contact, just watched the gears turning behind his eyes. Suddenly he started giggling. "Are you serious?" He flopped down on top of me, laughing full out as he kissed me on the cheek, then laid his head down next to mine. "Jesus, you could have fooled me." I blinked rapidly, willing my heart to slow down a bit. "I never really wanted to before. I mean, yeah, I've traded blowjobs, whatever, but ummm...well, actually I'd have to say this is the first time I've been full-on naked with another man in bed." Josh kissed my cheek again and lifted himself onto his elbows, looking down at me. "You know I love you, Jesse," he said. He dipped his head and kissed me sweetly. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you." He ran his hand down my side, caressing down to the top of my hipbone, where his thumb rested in the dip, rubbing back and forth gently. "We're going to take it slow, because this isn't easy the first time." He grinned at me. "And I'm not exactly small." I reached down, stroking him. "No, you're not. You test my gag reflex, my freakishly tall friend." He tucked one arm under me, moving to the side so he was no longer on top of me, and leaned close. "I do have lube, Jesse, but I want you to do this for me. It's more personal." He brought his index finger up to my lips. "Just the first one...get it nice and wet for me." I licked his fingertip, then opened my mouth and pulled the finger in, sucking hard and drawing a moan from Josh's lips. I then loosened my mouth around his finger, letting saliva flow all around it. "Bend your knees." I complied, planting my feet on the bed. He withdrew his finger from my mouth, and I lifted my hips to let him slide his hand under my ass. He slipped his finger right between the cheeks and pressed it against the entrance to my anus. "This will feel a little weird. Trust me, it gets better. I would tell you to try to relax, but it's not really possible. Well, actually, at least try. Might make it easier." He pressed against my opening, and his finger slid in, probably just to the first digit. It did feel strange, like I needed to go to the restroom. "That's it," he said, and pushed. I gasped as the rest of his finger was all of a sudden inside of me, and it hurt. "Are you sure about this? People do this for fun?" I felt my erection flagging, the intrusion in my ass no longer entirely welcome. Josh chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure. Just...wait..." and he seemed to be searching inside me, his finger curling and oh my god, he hit my prostate. I cried out, my dick once again rallying to the cause. Josh's grin threatened to split his face in two, and he pressed his finger inside me several times more, until I was squirming under his touch. "Don't stop, don't..." and he withdrew his finger, and that did not feel nice. He chuckled, kissing my cheek. "Hold on now, we're just getting started." He leaned back over the bed, coming back up with a bottle of Astro-Glide. He doused two fingers with it as I watched, eyes wide. "I want you to roll over onto your belly, it's easier to get you stretched that way." I did, and he knelt behind me, one knee between my legs. "Like this," he said, and slid his forearm under my hips, lifting them up so that I was on my elbows with my ass in the air. He bit my ass gently, then licked the spot. With one leg on either side of mine, he ground his cock against the side of my ass and groaned. "God, I can't wait to get inside you, Jesse. So fucking tight, you're gonna be squirming under me." He pressed two fingers against my opening, and pushed them, slowly but firmly, inside about an inch. "You just nod when you're ready for more, Jesse. I'm not going to go any further until you tell me to." His other hand was rubbing my back, slow, gentle strokes from my shoulders down to my tailbone. I waited, breathing deeply and trying to relax. My ass burned where his fingers were stretching me, but I knew it could feel so much better. I waited, and when the burning faded, I nodded. He pushed again and I gasped. Jesus, two fingers is so much more than one. Josh bent over me, chest pressed to my back. He turned his head to the side and skimmed his teeth on the outline of my spine. "Jesse, I'm going to fuck you so hard," he whispered. I groaned, and he reached down to grab my cock, gently stroking it. "You're gonna come so hard you'll see stars, I swear to god." He licked my neck, then sank his teeth into my shoulder, biting down to grind the muscle between his teeth. "Is that what you want, Jesse?" He slipped his fingers in a little further, and I no longer cared how badly it burned. "You want me to fuck you? Tell me you want me to fuck you." He pressed a third time, hard, until I could feel his knuckles against my entrance, and he curled both fingers. I cried out incoherently. "Tell me, Jesse. I want to hear you say it. Tell me you want me to take your virginity, you fucking slut." "Jesus! Yes, Josh, please, please, just fuck me." I pressed back against his fingers shamelessly, turning my head, trying to reach his mouth with mine. He pounded his fingers into me again and again, spreading them apart, stretching me, and I cried out, moaning and arching my back, pressing backward against his chest. Then the pounding stopped, and I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. He kissed the side of my neck and sat up, withdrawing his fingers again. "Roll over," he whispered. Shaking, I relaxed my knees until I was laying flat, and I turned over to lay on my back. He spread my legs apart with his knees and knelt between them. He looked beautiful, kneeling there in the moonlight. I brought my legs up, grasping with my calves at the sides of his hips and drawing him closer to me. I reached for his hand, and he gave it to me, squeezing my hand with a soft smile stealing over his face. He leaned over and kissed me, gently stroking the side of my face with his knuckles. Josh sat back up again, unwrapped the condom and slowly rolled it over his erect penis, pushing the air out as it went. He somehow found the bottle of lube again, spreading a generous amount on himself. Strong hands reached under me to lift up my ass, and I hooked my ankles over his shoulders. He leaned forward a bit, and I felt the tip of his cock pressing against my opening. It felt enormous. I reached down and tugged at his hip, pulling him toward me. He grasped my thighs, and pushed, holding me steady and looking me straight in the eye. My whole body tensed, knowing there was no way in hell something that big was going inside me. "Josh..." He held me in place, and pushed again, never losing eye contact. I gasped, tears involuntarily forming in my eyes. "Josh, that hurts..." He turned his face to kiss the inside of my knee, stroking my leg reassuringly. "Shhh, I'm in no hurry." He reached between us to gently stroke my balls, one finger running up my flagging erection. "It'll stop hurting soon." I was breathing rapidly, my heart going a mile a minute. I couldn't remember what made me think this was a good idea. "Maybe this is a bad idea, Josh, maybe I'm just not built for it." Josh chuckled. "You're built just like every other man, Jesse. Just wait for it. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. Much." He winked at me. "You trust me, remember?" I nodded, trying to slow my breathing and release the tension that was making me feel stretched tight as a rubber band. Miraculously, the burn faded to a warm glow. Josh must have felt me relax, because he pushed forward again, and it didn't hurt nearly as badly as I thought it would. I made a small noise and reached for his hip again, pulling him toward me. My body was remembering what those fingers felt like inside me, and I was suddenly impatient for more. Josh moaned as I pulled him into me, pulled him until I could feel his balls heavy against my ass. "Oh, god, Jesse. You feel so fucking good, so tight." I squeezed with my ass, and he cried out. "Oh, yeah, do that again." I did and he closed his eyes, groaning. He ran his hands up my legs, stroking my thighs before pulling me even harder toward him. If I'd thought he didn't have any more to give, I was dead wrong. That last bit inside me sent shockwaves up my spine, and I was squirming my ass against him, crying out for more. "Please, Josh, now. I want you to fuck me right now." He growled and started to move, very slowly at first, drawing out just a bit and pushing back in, then a little further out, and further still. He tugged my ankles off his shoulders, setting my legs down onto his thighs as he rose up onto his knees and started to fuck me in earnest, holding onto my waist as he snapped his hips back and forth, pounding into me. Josh leaned forward, changing the angle of his hips just a bit and thrusting hard, and I saw stars. "Oh, my god!" I cried out. "Oh, god, Josh, yes, that's, oh my god..." I babbled incoherently, I didn't think it was possible to feel any better, and suddenly Josh's hand was on my cock, stroking me in time with the pounding of his hips. I nearly choked. I felt like laughing, I didn't know what to do. I raised myself up on my elbows, then reached a hand out to grab the back of Josh's head, fisting my hand in his sweaty hair, not caring if I was pulling. He threw his head back, shouting, and I came, crying out and shuddering as he pounded into me, once, twice, and then he was shaking and groaning, growling low as his whole body curved downward and his hips pressed into me with his orgasm. If I could ever freeze one perfect, beautiful moment in time, it would be that one.
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He smiled back, but his eyes remained thoughtful. "Morning, Jesse." He squeezed my shoulder. "How you doing?" I grinned. "Damn good. Would you believe I got laid last night? It was the hottest thing ever. No wait, you were there." I smiled and grasped his hand, pulling it to my mouth so I could kiss it. "Actually, I'm a little bit sore. Kind of sticky, too." Josh chuckled, and flopped down onto his back. "Yeah, a shower is definitely in order." He groaned, stretching. "Josh?" I turned onto my side, looking at him. "Yeah?" "I think it's time for me to go home." Josh was silent for a moment, then he turned his head to look at me. "You don't have to leave, Jesse." "I know," I said, reaching out to stroke his hair. "But I'm feeling pretty good, and it's probably better to just give ourselves some breathing room. And Brody will be back soon." He reached his arm out toward me, and I snuggled on top of it, reaching my arm across his chest as he hugged me to him. "What if this was just a one-time thing, Jesse?" "Well, if it was, it was by far the best one-night stand I've ever had." I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder, feeling the stubble catch a bit. "You were incredible." He grunted, pulling with his arm until I was on top of him. He wrapped both arms around me as I lay my head down on his chest. "You are engaged." "I am engaged. I will be married." I smiled against his chest. "She's good for you, Josh." "Yeah." "I'm just some reject you picked up in rehab." He giggled. "Reject. I should have rejected you, that's what I should have done." "But I'm irresistible." His hand slipped down to stroke my ass. "Pretty much. And now that you know how good it is, you're going to be traipsing all over, screwing guys right and left." I rolled my eyes. "I'll try and contain myself a little bit. Well, backstage, though. You have a point there, a warm hole is a damn fine thing." He squeezed me and chuckled. "Now there's a thought. Brody's not the only one who likes to watch, you know."
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